Stuck at the First Step?
Let's look at why...

So, you've got this goal, right? And you're going to take the first step toward it...really. Because your goal is both bold and exciting. But for some reason you're spinning your wheels at the starting line instead.

True—good things can come out of such "spinning." For one thing, you'll probably ace some tasks, maybe tidying your desk or purging your rolodex...and perhaps reorganizing the pantry besides. (That's after you write to your mother and all of your siblings.) Maybe you also groom the pets and wash the car. And these are just for starters. That's the good news.

The DDIs
Say hello to a possible culprit: the don’t-do-its (DDIs). Those would be the fear-based songs your ego sometimes sings when you have a bold (but maybe scary) idea.

Or the grudging song an associate might sing about the same idea: “don’t bite off more than you can chew.” Even those who love you may sometimes sing the song when trying to protect you.

If you don't watch out, though, these and other DDIs can hold you forever on the sidelines. And that's okay to some extent: few of us care to bask in the spotlight 24/7. Still, if you never step into your own version of that now and then, your life may remain more "muted" than you once envisioned.

So, the fear issue warrants some attention. And this would be not only your own misgivings but also those of others. The latter, because they sometimes arise from love or friendship, create the most-powerful DDIs of all. But you must resist at least some of those to ever sing your song.

Too Many DDIsQuick question, then: off the top of your head, how many DDIs have you heard in your lifetime? Dozens? How about hundreds, starting from the time you headed up the big tree. Like that one, some DDIs fall into the realm of suggestions or commands meant to preserve your safety.

They go like this: Don’t put your hand on the stove top when it’s hot; don’t mess around with Mommy’s hair dryer when you’re in the tub; don’t cross the road before stopping to look and listen. Such DDIs, related to actual physical safety, you would have needed at certain points in your life.

The real damage comes from those remarks or attitudes meant to keep you from pursuing a dream or goal the speakers fail to share. Sometimes those reasons relate to “mistakes” they made themselves, or chances they never took because of fear. Here’s how those DDIs might sound.

Don’t become a musician: how can you possibly make a living? Don’t waste your time inventing things: you’ll just get ripped off anyway.

Don’t have a baby: it’ll knock you off the career track. Don’t get excited about anything: it probably won’t happen. Don’t take risks: you’ll only fall on your face (and maybe the speakers can't imagine taking risks themselves).

Serious Consequences
Even when well intentioned, such DDIs are just another form of Head-Trash. So, too, are their siblings: CDI (can’t do it) and SDI (shouldn’t do it). The three of them provide superb examples of what the writer Anne Lamott calls “banshees and drunken monkeys.” Can you afford to give this Terrible Trio headroom?

Think what you’d miss if you failed to take the first step toward your goal—if you always stayed with the status quo. Consider this, too: where is it etched in stone that somebody else’s experience will become yours as well? What didn’t pan out for that person may work out just fine for you.

True, a DDI/CDI/SDI-er (which might even be yourself) may occasionally turn out to be “right”: something you try doesn’t pan out the way you expect. Perhaps, though, what looks like failure leads you to something even better than your original quest. At the very least, failures let you make a fresh start.

But if you’re afraid to fail, you may rarely take even the first step toward something wonderful but perhaps challenging or scary. Instead, you play it safe, settling for less than you really want—although perhaps as much as someone else wants you to have. You may settle as well for way less than you’re capable of.

If you hold back instead, your song dies with you. Or worse, somebody else gets to sing it in your place. So, take the first step. Sing your song and take your bows—even if you’re the only one cheering. Your cheers count the most, anyway.

But to start taking those bows and cheers, you also have to take the first step. Just do one thing—take one small step—that feels like it brings you closer to your goal. Then take another...and another. Small steps can pay off big—IF you take them. To read about "turtle-tracks," the small-steps approach to dreams and goals, just click on the link. (Take the first step.)

[Return to Just Do One Thing from Stuck at the First Step]